Every January, I hit the goal planning HARD. I love setting new goals and intentions for myself. It’s the time of year that I dream up all kinds of new skills to learn, targets to hit and adventures to experience. I’m currently at about 47 items for my 2024 list and I’m not sure that I’m done yet. (Though I suspect my coach will have something to say about the current count!)
The downside to this kind of planning? (Besides the frenetic pace I would have to keep if I did all 47 items!) It’s a tendency for the “I’ll be happy when” mentality to kick in.
Maybe you’ve experienced a version of this.
When I was a child and teen, I was pervasively sad and anxious. I struggled with not having control of my life. I told myself that I would be happy when I turned 18 and found more control and independence.
When I was in college, I pushed myself very hard- working part time, getting straight A’s in school, taking care of my own apartment. I was so stressed out and unhappy that I routinely wished I could check myself into the assisted living facility I walked by on my way to class every day. They looked so relaxed through those fogged windows, sitting in their recliners and watching daytime television. I told myself that I would be happy when I finished school and could just work- no tests, no grades, no second job.
You see the pattern here.
My first job was so mind numbing and silly that I told myself I’d be happy when I got a better one. My first baby was so scary and overwhelming that I told myself I’d be happy when he got older. (Clearly, I had no idea what parenting a teenager would be like!)
It’s so easy for our inner judge to push us towards a future state of happiness, rather than let us enjoy a current one. To tell us we shouldn’t be satisfied with today, and create a new target for our happiness tomorrow.
When I start planning for the new year, it can be easy to look at those new goals as my future state of happy. To think that I need those achievements to be in place in order to experience overall happiness. In reality, happiness is a choice. I have everything I need today to be happy. And all of those future achievements? Those will just enhance my already happy life.
How have you filled in the sentence, “I’ll be happy when ________.”
What is the current version for you? A better job, a better relationship, better finances, better health?
We all have a way of filling this statement in. AND, there’s a different way to do it.
Lately, I’ve been trying this out instead:
“Today I choose to be happy about _________.”
It seems that there is always something happening that could lead me to wallow in negative emotions. Instead, I can find ways to fill in this new statement and really mean it.
I can be happy about the time I get to spend with friends, or the fulfilling writing that I’m doing, or the beautiful connection I have with my clients. It’s similar to a daily gratitude practice, and the more I do it, the more I find to be happy about.
You can choose this happiness too. Today. No matter what is going on, or what your 2024 goals and aspirations look like. You have everything you need to be happy.
How would you fill in the new statement? Today I choose to be happy about ________. I’d love to hear your answers!