My mom has always said, “If you’re feeling down, you should go do something nice for someone else.”
As a kid, I didn’t love this advice. I was wallowing, darn it, and someone else should make me feel better! “Doesn’t work like that, sweetheart,” was her typical empathetic response.
As an adult, I’ve given her advice much more credence. I’ll admit that sometimes I still want others to take away my blues for me. But I know now that there is real magic in stepping outside of myself and offering kindness to others, especially at those times when things aren’t going my way.
Which is why I was so delighted when I recently saw my mom’s sage advice echoed in a psychology publication.
An analysis of a study called the BIG JOY Project found that people who commit daily “micro-acts” of joy experience about a 25% increase in emotional well-being over the course of a week.
Another study featured by the American Psychiatric Association noted that “Everyday simple acts of kindness can contribute to boosting your mood, reducing stress and possibly alleviating symptoms of depression or anxiety. In addition, what might seem like a small kind gesture could have a greater impact than you might think.”
Micro acts of kindness can be quick and simple, like going out of your way to hold open a door, offering up a spare chair at the coffee shop, or making eye contact and saying hello at the park. I have a regular habit of looking for these opportunities because of the little boost they bring to my day.
I’ve also been known to dabble in more involved offers of help to strangers.
I once saw two guys trying to push a stalled car up a small hill. They looked at me with total shock when I parked my car and joined them in pushing the car up the hill. (I learned everything there is to know about pushing stalled cars from my early years with vintage Volkswagons.)
Then there was the delayed flight out of O’hare where I witnessed a single mom with two small boys struggling to manage the kids and all of their gear. I approached her and offered to schlep her bags and stroller so that she could carry her sleepy toddlers onto the plane.
Did I do it for them? Probably only a little bit. Mostly, I do it for the burst of joy I feel in bringing happiness to another person. For the way it pulls me out of my own woes and puts the focus on someone else.
I also try to pay forward all of the beautiful acts of kindness I’ve experienced from others over the years. I’ve been so blessed to be on the receiving end of other people’s generosity and caring.
An elder gentleman ringing up my holiday supplies at Target finished the transaction, turned to my daughter and solemnly said, “Now take good care of your mamma.” As if he could see how worn out the holidays had already made me. She nodded and put her little arm around my waist.
A fellow mom on the sideline took charge and helped walk us off the field when my daughter broke her arm at a soccer game. I would have passed out right there on the grass without her help. Later, she and her daughter baked us a get-well cake.
These small acts bring people together in celebration of the common human experience. They create a connection. By helping, the other person says “I see you. I appreciate how hard life can be. You are worthy of kindness.”
So if you aren’t already in the habit, I suggest you give my mom’s advice a try.
Look for small, everyday ways to bestow kindness on others. You’ll likely find that it’s the best thing you could have done for yourself.
What small act of kindness have you done or been the recipient of recently? I’d love to hear from you, send me a note!