I’m in the process of having my first book published. (It’s out at the beginning of next year. More information to come!) One of the more uncomfortable steps in this process has been requesting advance praise for the book. It's common to ask accomplished authors to review new books before publication, so their quotes can be included on the cover.
As a first-time author, I don't know any accomplished authors. So, reaching out to my favorite writers to ask for this big favor felt daunting. Who was I to ask them to read and review my book? What could I possibly say to convince them to help me? It felt positively audacious!
At the same time, it was thrilling. I'd never written a fan letter before, and this was my chance to tell my favorite authors how much their books had influenced my leadership and coaching over the years. I had a blast writing those emails!
And then the rejection messages started rolling in. The authors were quick to respond but firm in declining my requests. I realized that a personal connection might improve my chances. So, even though it felt like a Hail Mary, I reached out to the most connected people I knew and asked who they knew in the publishing industry. I sent another round of emails.
I never received a “yes” from my original list of acclaimed authors.
What I’ve gained instead is a new appreciation for audacious acts of self-advocacy. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have hit send on a single one of those emails. I would have let the discomfort of potential rejection deter me from even trying.
That’s because we often reject ourselves before anyone else has the opportunity to say yes.
And it seems we're not very good at predicting how people will respond to our requests. Research by Vanessa Bohns found that people underestimated the likelihood of getting a "yes" to requests for help by an average of 48%.
Where in your life might you be saying no to yourself before giving someone else the chance to say yes? I believe there are three important benefits to practicing a little more audacity.
1. You might get a yes!
If you don't ask, the answer is always no! Making an audacious request creates an opportunity that didn't exist before. You may be surprised by how often people are willing to help, even when you think the odds are slim.
2. Asking is empowering, regardless of the outcome.
When you advocate for yourself, you build courage and confidence. You learn that you can tolerate the discomfort of asking and the disappointment of hearing no. That confidence can carry over into other areas of your life.
3. Your audacity can inspire others.
When others see you taking a bold step, it can encourage them to do the same. Think about the people who've inspired you in this way. Audacity can be contagious!
What audacious request could you make this week?
Think about something you want but haven't asked for. What's the best that could happen if you’re brave enough to ask? What’s the worst that could happen? Can you live with a no?
Remember, the value of being audacious isn't just getting what you want. It's developing the courage to ask.
