Being Versus Doing

Many years ago, when I was a mid-level HR leader, I felt that I had a lot to prove to get to the next level in my career. And so naturally, I did a lot of proving.

I was well organized and prepared for every meeting, every presentation, every interaction. I had lists and agendas and talking points. Everything I did screamed, “Look at how put together I am!”

One afternoon, as I was going over an upcoming agenda with my boss, he responded with an unusual comment. He said, “I’d like to see the version of Loala who just shows up and wings it.” I looked at him as though he had just asked me to attend the meeting in a disco jumpsuit and perform a full Bee Gees dance routine. Intriguing, but horrifying.

Had I missed the point of the client offsite I was preparing for? Was I doing it all wrong?

He noted the look on my face and tried to explain. “You’re always so well prepared. But what would it be like to just show up and use your big brain?” he asked.

The comment was interesting, but I didn’t know what to do with it at the time.

Thinking about it now, I see that it was decent advice, but it also ignored the challenges I faced as a woman and the differences in our seniority. He was in a senior leadership role on a very male-dominated leadership team. He could easily walk into a meeting and wing it because of the standing he held in the company. If there had been a “prove it” period in his career, it had faded into the forgotten past. As a young woman in middle management, there were still very real pressures for me to show what I was capable of. So I ignored his advice at the time and kept hustling. It was a decade of the hardest work I’ve ever done.

I now understand that my boss was trying to talk to me about the concept of being versus doing.

So many of us spend so much of our time doing. We take on more and more until we are bursting with tasks and responsibilities. We stay organized, think three steps ahead, and try to be prepared for everything.

Being is different. It means showing up as our authentic selves and being totally present. We just show up. Because that is enough.

If you'd like to experiment with more being and less doing, start small. The next time you walk into a meeting, resist the urge to mentally rehearse what you're going to say. Instead, listen a little longer. Take one slow breath before you speak. Trust that your presence is every bit as valuable as your preparation.

My wish is that we all find ways to put down the to-do list and let go of the hustle where we can. To offer our unscripted, unrestrained brilliance to the world, and experience the joy and freedom of more being and less doing.